Monday, October 6, 2014

"Rang Rangeela Parjatantar"

To the fancy MBAs,

Dear Sir,

My name is Gajendar Kumar. I own 15 different companies in various parts of the country and don’t do about 15 different businesses. I own Jaipur Textiles, and we are supposed to be exporting traditional handicraft fabrics around the world. The business model is simple. I manufacture something for Rs 10, bill it at Rs. 500. Since the government of India and Rajasthan give an “allowance” of 20% of billing, I get a “push-back” of Rs. 100 on each unit I export. The money I receive from the importers of-course is diverted to make payments for other stuff they have imported, from my other friends here. Since my friends under-bill their goods by as much as 90%, they need to receive the payment somehow. Since Traditional Garments are tax-free I don’t pay taxes of any kinds, and divert the money to these people who would have to pay taxes otherwise. Some years ago I was manufacturing pig-iron furniture because the push-back in those was 100%. Alas, my margins have dried up…and I have to do with a BMW 7 series instead of the Maybach always dreamt of.

But soon I think I will get the opportunity. You see I have started other businesses I’ll not do. For example I have started buying the wheat that the government is importing in the name of trying to prevent inflation. Those fancy Business Worlds say inflation goes up because the government support prices have gone up…pah! Sometimes I wonder if the Economics they studied was based on real world at all! Its I who keep the prices up, see. I bid for huge quantities of stocks from the government agencies. But since the obligation of actually lifting the stock from government storage houses is not really expensive, we never pick up the stocks. Which means government can’t now sell this into open market (Cause technically I won the tender and now own it) and I will not pick it from their storage. The market demand would go up, the supply not so much. Voila!! Inflation and great margins! The penalty for not picking up the stock for months is after all only minimal…I can manage that from my 300% profit. After all our Agriculture Minister, it is rumored, owns multiple sugar mills and several such. I wonder if he is such a stupid businessman to ruin his own profits. Our President's family has a history of Bank Fraud (never proved I am guessing). I am merely an 8th fail farmer who got up at the right moment.

I also am the Sarpanch of Khetarwas, a small village where my fathers were landlords, Meenas. My father was the second generation of IAS officers (oh its easy see...they were from the SC community). My third business is here. The Government gave us rulers our right-full by launching the multi-thousand crores worth National Rural Employment Guarantee Scheme. My village has 300 citizens, and I am paying the money to 3000!! :D See how simple, and know what these people do…na, they do not construct roads or sewage or schools. We ask them to construct boundary walls around the village and then ask them to break them down. Perpetual work!

Now I may go on…on how I was one of many people who conspired to take the Commonwealth budget from 900 crores to 11000 crores, or how I got bought a land worth 400 crores for just 30 lakhs or how the total amount of tax I have paid, including the government push is negative multi-crores. But what’s the point? Instead I will just tell you what my Australian Media agency says best describes you…
You Dumbass.

Disclaimer: All the situations given above have absolutely no reference to anyone living or dead or any kind of truth, all resemblance is purely coincidental. If they had…wouldn’t we be doing something about it.
More Disclaimer: I am not refering to any caste to be pejorative about it. I think most people within these castes should perhaps do an introspection as to what the reservation system has become. By the way you are all invited to drink water from the same well as I do.

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